Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He better not be in your backpack
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Who died my cat blue again?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
