I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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