Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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