wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
