i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
