you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
