I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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