Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
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and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
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He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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