I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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