I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
They took my balls.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
