So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again