I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
