Texts From Last Night

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap

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  (603): just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap http://tfl.nu/im6h
  Replies (11) Good night (2444) Bad night (789)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year

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  (614): You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year http://tfl.nu/i8j9
  Replies (85) Good night (3337) Bad night (1530)
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  (805): View more from California

  Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.

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  (805): Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer. http://tfl.nu/bp97
  Replies (7) Good night (3396) Bad night (703)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...

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  (360): I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something... http://tfl.nu/7h7f
  Replies (21) Good night (7072) Bad night (1199)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"

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  (419): apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty" http://tfl.nu/fxst
  Replies (4) Good night (2534) Bad night (814)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year

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  (205): Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year http://tfl.nu/pmyc
  Replies (7) Good night (995) Bad night (1799)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out

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  (210): My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out http://tfl.nu/di5z
  Replies (47) Good night (1424) Bad night (6624)
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  (347): View more from New York

  He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.

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  (347): He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka. http://tfl.nu/57bc
  Replies (3) Good night (1704) Bad night (572)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore

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  (509): Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore http://tfl.nu/a1lx
  Replies (11) Good night (1201) Bad night (793)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?

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  (775): Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table? http://tfl.nu/vh5f
  Replies (1) Good night (837) Bad night (319)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"

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  (920): Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!" http://tfl.nu/2v59
  Replies (0) Good night (778) Bad night (276)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"

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  (870): I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough" http://tfl.nu/ficv
  Replies (2) Good night (1412) Bad night (288)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality

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  (540): I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality http://tfl.nu/elez
  Replies (5) Good night (854) Bad night (243)
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  (559): View more from California

  You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka

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  (559): You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka http://tfl.nu/lf1o
  Replies (0) Good night (527) Bad night (224)
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  (585): View more from New York

  The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.

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  (585): The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt. http://tfl.nu/0ycz
  Replies (2) Good night (432) Bad night (278)

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