my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"