PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
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i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I want to fling myself into the sun