after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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