Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
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We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
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This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.