Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
