why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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