Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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