I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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