I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You were trust falling into bushes
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
