His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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