the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize