take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
