My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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