I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
