We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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