Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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