genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My dick has a subreddit
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
