And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
