I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
