What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
