So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
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Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
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Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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