Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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