Sorry, I don't speak sober.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
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the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
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I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's