Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam