Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.