OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?