Apparently you make a good broom.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
and you fell through a lawn chair
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.