make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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