Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
