What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
