Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
