i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
where are my eyebrows?
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