My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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