so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
ok first of all what the fuck
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
