please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
