Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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