My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
