The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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