Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
