If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
