They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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