i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.