Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
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It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
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Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.