Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌