I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas