last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
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Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
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I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Can you rollerblade?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs