omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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