gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me