Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
