If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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