so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
