Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
pop tarts are not kleenex
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
