I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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