She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
