my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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