okay pat passed out under dana's car
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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