I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
