meet me or not, i'm out of control
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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