Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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