Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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