dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just threw up on my dentist
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
