I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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