Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize