Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i've created a new STD.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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