She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
