just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we're making bets on your personal life
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
