Can i not drive my cunt home
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
