He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
