Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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