If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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