I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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