the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
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