why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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