OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
