is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
