The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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