Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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