Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
