Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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