Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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