I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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