If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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