I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
