Dual....:-)
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
