I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
